I am falling apart over this!

[Zoya]

Dear Fellows,

I will tell you my story and I really need help. I am falling apart and living an unbearable anxiety.

Six months ago, I received a message request on FB messenger from a stranger. Like I usually do in such cases, I blocked him. He created another account and sent me another message wondering why I blocked his first message. I told him that I am not into talking to a stranger and blocked him again. He created a third account on FB and sent me another message saying that he only wants to know what offence he made to be blocked twice. When I received that third message, I was going through tough times. I was depressed and frustrated and I found myself chatting with him. He was very smart, quick in response and very impressive. We chatted for some time and he mentioned that he sent me messages because he liked my looks (FB Profile picture).

In a couple of weeks, he asked that we talk on the phone to communicate in a better way. I accepted. It was a very pleasant conversation in which we introduced ourselves to each other and discussed general funny stuff. Soon after, he started expressing sexual interests. I kept my distance and controlled myself very well. He was very understanding especially that I am married and a mother! But he never stopped seducing me. I eventually after like 5 months of exchange, had a skype call with him. He claimed his skype was not working properly and he could see me when I couldn't.

I can't say it was a very explicit video call but it's by no means acceptable for a married woman especially in a society like ours. If anyone knows about this from my circle of acquaintances, I assure you that I will not be able to deal with this matter and won't be able to face it. I really think that the only option I might have is to take my own life!!

Now, what happened is that he never scammed me, he never threatened me and after that video encounter I asked him that I want to end the relationship and he accepted. He said that he too thinks it was going no where and he doesn't want me in pain. We severed contact! I blocked him. However, I found out he had two facebook profiles with two different names.

Now, the aftermath! I lived for over a month in an anxiety that almost drove me crazy. I couldn't even imagine to myself that what happened can be revealed to the people I know. The mere thought of it makes me want to vomit.
When over a month passed I started gaining some self composure and convinced myself that it was not a scam or something and I have to live with the possibility of something might happen any moment.

What made me now devastated is that one of my contacts on FB who happens to be my relative suddenly sent me very very very unexpected message telling me that he sees me beautiful and that he wants to send me a picture of a woman who looks like me. When he did, it was pictures of a prostitute having sex! It was like a slap on the face. I can't stop thinking that he might be related to that stranger or that he knows about him! I blocked my cousin and I've been dying since then.

Where do I stand? are the two things related? Is the stranger's affair something that has become a past and my cousin is simply a sick person? or are they the same person? Was my cousin telling me that he sees me as that prostitute? Or is he one of those disgusting guys who send porn pictures without knowing consequences? am I going to spend the rest of my life relating everything that happens to me to that mistake that I made?

Please take time to read this and tell me what you think. I am dying alone and can't talk to anyone.

[firefly]

This might help: viewtopic.php?f=12&t=37058.

Even if it was not a scam, accept it was happening, let the event in the past where it belongs and move forward, learning from the experience. People might look similar without being the same. Panicking for all the bad things that may happen will only ruin what you have and what you can achieve.

[Zoya]

Thank you Firefly for the answer. I read the article you provided and I really thank you people for being there for victims. I can't say I was a victim but I have gone through hell since I started thinking that I might have been.

I want you to tell me from what I cited if you think he was a scammer. I checked your quiz and none of the things that apply to scammers applied to him except for the following:
1- He was very much interested in sex (not necessarily videos but through chat, phone calls...etc.)
2- He always wanted us to contact via skype (and his skype never worked, I was never able to see him)

If he recorded anything, he has now a video of me that is by no means appropriate.

But he never threatened, he never asked for anything, he was not seeking my approval. On the contrary, he used to be a bit snobbish and if I said something he didn't like, he used to tell me to end the relationship.

I blocked him once during our contact for over a month, he didn't contact me during that time and when I unblocked him, I asked him why he didn't try. He said that the first time I blocked him I didn't know him, so he was curious but the second time, I knew him very well so it was my decision and he had to respect that.

What do you think? It's only that he insisted on skype calls and he never showed himself that make me doubtful about him. He might not be scammer, but there's something that makes me afraid. What if he was someone I know? I wish I could reverse this. I wish it never happened.

[Big Al]

We all make mistakes in our lives. Chalk it up as a learning experience and move forward. If the person made a video of you and never made threats or asked for money then the only other thing I can think of that he might be making videos for his own personal use. There are cases where people were blackmailed for more videos after the first one rather than money. Without knowing he made a video and without him showing any clear intentions, then all you can do is live your life as a wiser person.

[SlapHappy]

Some of the best advice for moving ahead and not obsessing about past mistakes are in our recovery topic, and in our podcasts where many are interviewed after the scam. Check them out.

recovery and reassurance
http://www.scamsurvivors.com/forum/view ... f=3&t=4509

Podcasts: http://scamsurvivors.com/podcasts

[Zoya]

Thank you guys! You're wonderful really!

I just don't know what to say.. thanks.

[firefly]

He might not be scammer, but there's something that makes me afraid

Yes, he might not be a scammer. He might be a cyber sex addict or a control freak. He might be anything - but he has the power of doing what he is doing only if you let it happen. Keep in mind that anything done online is something you have no control after happening - that will save you from a lot of trouble. Better safe than sorry.

[Zoya]

Hey guys..

I am sorry to bother you with this but I think I am developing anxiety.
I always feel afraid.. whenever someone mentions bad behaviors in front of me I feel I am the one meant. When I look at my children, I freak out. What if they know what their mother has been doing! My parents.. my father might die over this.. what have I done to myself? what can I do to stop worrying that the person I was in contact with might appear again and devastate my life.. what can I do to stop connecting him to my relative who sent me porn photos? whenever I tell anyone about my relative, the first response is: but you didn't do anything that might make him feel you're willing to receive such pictures. He must be a sick person! I feel so sad when I hear that.. because I did something.. I did.. I was praying yesterday that I sleep and never wake up..

I honestly can't face this if it happens. I really can't.. I am starting to end my relations with everyone I know.. I don't want to see shock and disappointment if they knew.. I am losing my friends and my life and fighting a fierce battle inside of me.. what should I do?

[firefly]

Zoya,

If nothing happened since last time when you communicate with that person, more likely nothing will happen in the future.

At this moment you have only two options:

1. Freak out and destroy everything you managed to achieve so far in life for nothing, just the fear of what it might happen when there are good chances that nothing will happen.

2. Face the reality. Yes, you have done a mistake. So what? We all do mistakes sooner or later in life, in a way or another. No matter how worse the things might be, the ones knowing you will be able to understand and support you in difficult times. The ones jumping to judge you or condemn you for a mistake are sure not the people you need close to you.

At the end of the day, it is your life. How you deal with it makes you who you are. Friends and family are good to have - but most of the times we are solving our problems alone, without any help from no one. If you have the feeling that's too much for you, you might consider the option of professional help. Here, we are dealing with online scams. We are sympathetic, but we are not psychologists. Maybe your actual problem is aggravated by other issues, and a professional would be more than helpful in this case.

[Zoya]

Dear supporters,

You know after my last communication with that person in early April, I severed all contact with him.
Two weeks ago, I received a message from him through a new account he created on facebook. He said that he just wanted to check that I was OK and that he knows he's not supposed to send me anything.

I didn't reply and I deleted my facebook account. On the same day, he added me on Instagram from another new account he created on Instagram. I also deleted my Instagram account. Was that the right thing to to?

I can't begin to tell you how this incident has turned my life into an intensely painful nightmare.

Zoya