I don't know if this will be heplful or not, but I wanted to share what my therapist has helped me with as I try to get through this scam and move from being a victim to a survivor. He has encouraged me to write out my false and irrational thoughts and then right down the truth next to them when I am having a hard time. By writing it out, He says, I will be able to begin to believe the truth and not my irrational thoughts. Once I write it out, I am suppose to read it back to myself and do this when the fear is really strong as a way to counteract the fear until the irrational thoughts subside. So I thought I would do it here today and that It might help someone.
This is the format I will use:
Irrational/false thought: Truth
The scammer is still looking for me: It has been four months. He has moved on to other targets. If he were still looking for you, He could have found you. He knows your work number that you cannot change. He has a list of my friends from Facebook. He could have called you. You answer the phones after all, but He didn't. He has never used your phone number other than to look up your Facebook and he never will again. He could have told your Facebook friends to have you contact him. He didn't. He can't find you on social media and can't contact you through email because you deleted your accounts. He does not (and won't) put in the effort to get a hold of you. He doesn't want to waste time on someone who has disappeared in the hopes that they might pay again, when He has others on the hook, even right now, that might and probably will pay. Because It wasn't easy for him to find you, He has moved on. You would move on if this was your "business," and He did too. Wasting time on you means less money in the long run.
The scammer has my video: The scammer doesn't remember you and doesn't have the video. What good would there be in keeping the video? If He is caught with it he would go to jail. It takes up valuable hard drive space and leaves a trail that could be followed if his computer/phone were ever investigated. You can't even remember what you were wearing that day, He probably doesn't even remember what you look like, let alone your name. You remember his email because you are obsessing over this, but you can't remember the name he told you to send money too, and you can't remember which website you even used to meet the person. If He had this video, what are the odds that He would even remember which chatlog the video belongs to? He scams people daily and has been doing it for three years according to the records on this site, you are nothing special. If you were the scammer, you would do everything you can to not leave a trail. He's a professional, a video is a trail.
The scammer is just taking his time, and will try and find me any day now: Why would he do this? He doesn't know you. He doesn't hate you or like you, or have any feelings about you at all. He has no opinion on you. He doesn't think about you. This is about money for him. Why waste time on finding someone he cannot find easily who only paid once? He could have tried to find you, and maybe he did early on. But, He didn't contact you and didn't reach out and spending more time on you after 4, almost 5 months doesn't make sense. You wouldn't do this if you were in his shoes. MOVE ON!
Maybe I stick out in his memory because I was especially interesting: Everybody this scammer scammed has a story. One that probably sounds quite similar to yours. He has heard it all before, you are just a number. This is a strange and horrible event that sticks out in your mind. For him, this is an event that happens everyday. 30 to 40 people a day hear from this guy, maybe more. You have been on the chat sites. There are countless men wanting to talk to a girl. He has no problem finding a new victim and that person will go through and say a lot of the same things you said. You paid, you went to google hangouts, you gave up personal information. Another person will too. He knows this. This is about money. You are nothing special.
I deserve for everything to come out. I am a bad person, so everything will eventually come out: You can't predict the future! Read everything you wrote already. It makes no sense for this person to still be coming after you. You would not be coming after you if you were him. He has moved on, you need to move on too. Are you a bad person? In some ways, sure. You have bad habits (obviously), but you also do a lot of good. If this did come out, you would lose your job and possibly your marriage and it makes sense that you are afraid. But this fear is irrational. There is no basis for it other than you thinking you deserve it. Become a better person! Become the person people think you are! That is the best thing that you can do.
It's not safe for me to go back on Facebook: With the highest security settings, a slight name change, and a new account, after four months you are safe. Probably, more than safe. The odds of him coming after you are 1 out of 1000. Probably higher after this long. Believe the experts! Don't believe your feelings! Believe the actual truth.
Thanks for reading. I hope this helps someone. If this shouldn't be here, or I said something that was not the truth, please delete or correct this. I hope to move on now and hope to not be coming back here. I think that is the healthiest thing I can do as I battle my OCD.